just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
