Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
