Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
