dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
