textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
