What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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