:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How does one acquire holy water?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
