3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
