I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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