4 words: hood of his car
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
