I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
