I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
