You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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