I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
NoShamevember. You game?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
