I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize