we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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