Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I want her autograph on my taint
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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