If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
