But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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