The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
