I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
