Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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