shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
