I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
