They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
