so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
