Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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