Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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