Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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