He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
