I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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