how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize