I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
