It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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