My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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