i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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