Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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