Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pants are for mortals
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
