I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
