Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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