She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
