it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
