Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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