i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
