hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize