I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
