We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
