we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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