ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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