ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
