my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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