I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's shark week go big or go home
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
