I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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