I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
