It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
