I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
