I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am one with the molecules
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize