Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I want a musical about memes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize