Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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