i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize