Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
