did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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