I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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