There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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